Thursday, July 28, 2011

I’m Not In Control

The past few weeks I have been struggling. A lot! It may sound crazy to some so let me give you a little backstory.

The cliffs notes version…

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl get married and have baby. Baby starts to grow up into a toddler. Boy and girl decide to have another baby. Toddler hits terrible two’s. Baby is born. Boy and girl decide that two is enough. Girl gets her tubes tied.

So here I am, almost 4 years later, and as my kids get older I have found myself envious and jealous of all the people in my life that are having babies. I know that it is wrong to be envious and want what someone else has. I was so envious that I kinda fell into this funk and have been there for about a month.

But today {well yesterday now} I woke up with a new attitude!

With the help of the pep talk from my SIL of course. Thanks Becca!!!

I realized that God has chosen this path for me for a reason. And unlike me, He knows what He is doing! I have to trust in Him and be obedient. And if someday He wants me to have another baby, tubes tied or not, I will have one.

I think the biggest problem is I am a control freak and sometimes it is hard for me to let go and let God have it. That is one of the things I have learned about myself while doing my bible study these past few weeks. In order to move ahead with God’s plan for me I have to let go of some of my past behaviors and bad habits!

So starting today I have chosen to quit obsessing over and trying to control the things in my life that I have no control over. And really embrace the things that God allows me to have some control of. Like losing the 10 lbs. I have gained over the last few months.

And as much as I would love to have a cute, cuddly baby to love for the rest of my life, I am uber with the two that I have and I know I am incredibly blessed to have them call me mama!


1 comment:

  1. I've been struggling with the whole baby thing and trusting in God's plan. We want more kiddos but the time just isn't right (finances, space, waiting for a better job). I have about 15 bazillion friends who are pregnant or just had a baby and while I'm truly happy for them, I'm also very envious. Everytime I see one of those sweet-smelling newborns, I have to remind myself that I've put my trust in God and he knows what is best for us. Thanks for the reminder!