Thursday, January 17, 2013

one of those days...

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing made sense and all you wanted to do was bury your head in a pillow and cry. Ya, you know what I'm talking about.

The last part of twenty-twelve and the start of twenty-thirteen have been kinda rough on me. With my dad's cancer, both my boys growing up super fast and the fact that I can not have any more babies has taken a bigger toll on me than I originally thought.

{Just a little back story... My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer in June of last year. And against all odds he is doing AMAZING! But the fact that he is still sick and seeing him actually look sick gets to me sometimes. He is doing so well that when he does get sick it's like shock almost. Both of my boys just celebrated birthdays. They seem so grown up these day. Tyler is getting so independent and Jake can read. It has just been a lot for me. I swore I was never going to be that mom, and here I am... being that mom. And lastly, in December I had an appointment with a fertility specialist about expanding out family and was told my tubal ligation was not reversible. There are other options that are still open and on the table but the sad fact is they are way too expensive.}

As I sit here and read over everything that I have just typed I feel horrible. I should be thanking and praising God for all the wonderful things that I do have in my life. The fact that my dad is doing amazing when they gave us no hope, that my boys are healthy and smart and that God has blessed me with two wonderful gifts instead of dwelling on all the stuff that I don't have.

This is my chance to love my life and everything in it and thank God daily for the grace that he shows me and the blessing that He gives me.

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