Wow.
What a year this has been.
As some of you may know, I have been following Lyryn’s blog Breaking Through and this month is all about how they overcame the biggest challenge their marriage had ever faced. I don’t have her way with words, so bear with me. She was my inspiration behind todays post. Thank you Lyryn!
I don’t want you to get the wrong idea though, I was the one that made the mistake in my marriage. Not Michael. Just so we are clear :)
When I married Michael I married my best friend. He was the one person I knew I could spend every day of the rest of my life with and not get sick and tired of seeing him. He was always there for me, through thick and thin. When I needed anything he was there. Or at least the best way he knew how to be. I can remember when he was still in high school {I was already graduated} we would talk on the phone till the wee hours of the morning, sleep for a couple of hours and talk on the phone of his way to school. Living in different states it was hard, but we made it work. Even when we were together we would stay up for hours just talking, even when there was nothing to talk about. And he was always made sure to tell me he loved me, and when he wasn’t saying it I could tell just by the way he looked at me. Michael truly is a gift from God. After 5 years of marriage and everything we had been through, I shattered his heart.
I had an affair. I said it. I am not going to go into detail about anything, but I will tell you I was at the lowest point in my life that I had ever been. And I wish I could go back and change things, but since I can’t I will only do things differently in future and not put myself in a spot where the devil can attack me or my marriage so viciously.
On April 19th of last year Michael served me with divorce papers. My world shattered into a million pieces. Through my actions Michael felt like he had no other choice in order to protect him and our boys. I don’t blame him. I would have done the same thing. Probably a lot sooner than he did.
For six months I had been living a double life, telling one lie right after another. Not only was it tearing my family apart, but it was pulling me further and further away from God. The one person I needed the most to pull me out of the hell I had created. That day something changed in me. I knew I had to change if there was any way to I was going to save what was left of my marriage.
That first month was the hardest. Everyone knew what I had done, and naturally sided with Michael. I felt like it was me against the world. For the first time in 5 years I had to get a job and find an apartment. I’m not going to lie, it was horrible! I didn’t know the first thing about taking care of myself. I started praying for a miracle and reading my bible every night. I tried to reach out to Michael, but it was still to soon. It was one of the loneliest times in my life. I don’t even want to think about what Michael was going through. It still tears me up inside.
I am going to tell you right now that Michael is the most forgiving person that I know. And I love him for it {among so many other things}.
After that first month, with God at our side, things started getting better a little at a time. I would like to say that we hugged and made up and that was the end of it. But I can’t.
It has taken us many many hours of prayer, the support of family and friends, a good church and a year to get to the point where the bad days are few and far between. I know that God saved my marriage. He literally brought it back from the grave and everyday I thank him for doing so. I hate to think about where I would be today if God didn’t pour His grace down on me and give me back the ones that mean everything to me.
My marriage, along with a some others that I know, is proof that God does perform miracles. Everyday.
…and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
Mark 10:8-9
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